I went through them, too.
In fact, I was so embarrassed to admit that my marriage had failed and that my husband had cheated on me and had plans to leave that I hid it from my mom until he left. I even dragged my soon-to-be-ex-husband to a Christmas family vacation at Lake Tahoe and made him pretend that we were fine because I felt so mortified to share my shame and “failure” and didn’t want to spoil my family’s holiday.
It’s like I was living in this bubble of, “everything’s okay!” Even though it wasn’t.
When I was finally able to share with my family what had happened, it made it all so real – and although it was a relief to get it out in the open and gain their support, it really sunk in and I felt scared and lost. I had to go through a process of rediscovering myself – because at that point, I didn’t even feel like I knew who I was anymore.
Does that sound at all familiar?
If you’re struggling to reconnect with what makes you YOU, here are five things to try:
1. Ask for honest feedback. I approached people in my life who I knew loved me dearly and asked them, “What do you think of me? How do I come off?” The feedback was often hard to hear – even jolting, but I’ll tell you what, soul sister – it rang deep with truth: it changed my life. If you can be open and grateful for the feedback it can change the trajectory of your life. Listen with curiosity!
2. Ask yourself what you like to do. Center yourself, and mentally ask these questions, “What would I like to do today?” “What brings me joy?” “What new thing would I like to try or what would I like to bring back that I used to love to do?” You might be surprised at the answers that come up, especially if you’ve been married for a long while. Then act on it!
3. Write in a journal. As often as possible. This was one of the most important tools for me through my rediscovery. My journal became my best friend. Let it become yours and you will quickly appreciate it’s love and loyalty. Always open to hearing your deepest thoughts without judgment, blame or criticism. Always holding the space for your enlightenment. Always there.
4. Keep yourself moving, physically. I started taking yoga classes, which cleared the cluttered thoughts in my mind and kept me connected to the Divine. Roller blading and weight training also provided stress relief, freedom and confidence. Choose some sort of movement to release the anxiety and bring in positive energy -keeping your mind, body and soul in healthy alignment.
5. Surround yourself with friends. Take girlfriend trips, call your mom, and do fun things with people you love to remind yourself that, yes, you are worthy of support and rooted in a community of wonderful people who are more than happy to cheer you on!
It can be tough, gorgeous, but you gotta do it. A few years from now, you’ll look back and think, “Wow, I’m really proud of myself for getting through that. And I’m better off for that whole experience.”
Click HERE to connect with me one on one. I would love to help you get over the infidelity hump and get your sparkle back.