In my last article, we explored the power of charisma to attract and inspire. When you connect with your charismatic nature, you shine with a light that is irresistible to the people around you. However, sometimes we inadvertently disconnect from that light by engaging in self-defeating behaviors that dim our sparkle and leave us feeling lousy.

One way to immediately lose touch with your charisma is by comparing yourself to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and boy, was he right! When you compare, you engage in a thought pattern that wreaks havoc with your self-image and takes away your inner light like nothing else.

The Dangers of Comparison

We live in a society that inundates us with images of other peoples’ “perfect” lives. Whether you’re flipping through a fashion magazine or scrolling through your Facebook feed, it doesn’t take much to start believing that you’re not measuring up or living as fully as you would love.

But you have to remember that you’re only ever seeing part of the picture. Fashion photography is always touched up, and your friends on social media mostly post about the good stuff. It’s impossible to know what’s really happening with other people, so when you compare yourself to their “outer world” as you see it, you’re comparing your reality against a perception that is rarely, if ever, based in fact!

Always Remember You Are Perfect

We’re all made uniquely and masterfully. When you compare yourself to others, what you’re doing is communicating the belief that you’re flawed, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! If you’re having a hard time believing that, try these tips:

• Push pause on your thoughts of comparison. Don’t deny the thoughts and don’t judge them. Just accept that they’re coming up, take a breath and repeat to yourself, “I am enough, I am a beautiful being, I am unique.”
• Focus on the truth. Ask yourself what you know to be true. Focus on your strengths and what’s good about your life. Then ask yourself how you can be your most sparkling self at this moment. How can you be your own best friend?
• Smile at yourself. If you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, look in the mirror, wink, smile, and say, “Hi Beautiful. You’re perfect just the way you are!”

I have a client who was dating somebody on and off for quite a while. She knew she was in love with him, but they weren’t exclusive. One night, she discovered that he was out on a date with someone else. Instead of getting upset, she empowered herself by repeating this truth, “ Whoever she is, she’s not me. I am a unique, beautiful woman. I know that I am lovable and high-quality – if this is the right guy for me, he’ll see that too.”

She and that man have now been married for twenty years! Why? Because the next time they were together, she didn’t show up in an anxious, jealous headspace. She held her own, refused to fall into the comparison trap and stayed solid in who she was, which made her irresistible.

Put Your Attention on Your Intention

If you have the intention of living a fabulous life, being centered and feeling good about yourself, but you continue to let your attention go to comparison, you’re going to find it nearly impossible to close the gap between your intention and where you are now.

Direct your energy towards your intention and take steps to support yourself in achieving that goal. This will keep you moving forward and allow your beautiful, charismatic self to shine through!

Sparkling love,

Sherri