Relationship Advice: Dear Sparkle….

Dear Sparkle,

I met a man through an
online dating site and right from the start we found that we had a lot in
common. We had a great first date that lasted about 10 hours and a second date
that was for a weekend.  We talk/email/text every day.  The two main
challenges that I am facing are that he lives 3 hours away and not being
sure where we stand as far as dating other people.  Since we haven’t had
“the talk” I am going to assume that we are free to date others, but
how do I ask him about this.  You would think at 41 I could do this, but I
feel like a teenager in this situation after having been out of the dating
world for 20 years.

Thanks…Long Distance Lover

Dear Long Distance Lover,

Thank you for your question- I think it’s one that
many people can relate to.
myself had a long distance relationship so I am definitely familiar with this

I can appreciate the instant rapport and feeling of comfort
with the familiarity but due to the distance, I see this as a challenge.
In response to your dilemma’s I would
offer this advice:

  • First of
    all I would not assume anything. Be very honest with yourself and clear about
    what you want and need. Open communication is always the best policy – since
    you met online I see nothing wrong with asking him what his intentions are for
    online dating – is he looking for someone special or just lonely and looking to
    play and have some fun. As long as you approach it with genuine curiosity and
    not a demand to know where you stand I see a comfortable conversation happening
    leaving you clear about each other’s intentions. And I advise you to “listen”
  • Secondly,
    ask yourself why you are hesitant to have an open conversation with him after
    spending the weekend with him – especially if you were intimate. Women get much
    more emotionally attached – better to know up front if this is a funfest for
    him. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run and you’ll have a
    better idea how to proceed with him and with your own parameters of dating.
  • The
    distance is an issue.
    challenging to get to know someone you see infrequently.
    When you do get together it will feel
    romanticized and won’t be a true indicator of how it would be to live in the
    same town and be able to see each other regularly – become familiar with daily
    rituals, habits, idiosyncrasies etc. The way it is now
    – it’s like a vacation – you are getting
    each other’s full attention on best behavior. This is not realistic for a long-term
    relationship. Think about this long and hard – if you want a serious
    relationship – would you be willing to move? Would he?

  • Lastly I
    invite you to look at why you have chosen to get involved with someone who is
    not available to you physically on a regular basis. Dig to see if there are any
    commitment or intimacy issues. Are you protecting yourself? Do you feel you
    don’t deserve love unless it’s a struggle or challenging?

Remember, you are a
beautiful Sparkling woman – love yourself and you’ll get the love you deserve
and crave.

I hope that helps you Long
Distance Lover – keep us posted!

Love & Freedom,