Angel, if you’re a woman in America (or any part of the world that reads People Magazine, chances are you’ve heard the news: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are divorcing because he had an affair with the nanny.
When you read those headlines, does some part of you wonder, “If Jennifer Garner can’t keep a man from cheating, who in the world can!?”
She’s smart, sexy, stunning, and of course – a movie star! So what gives?
This might be especially poignant for you if you’re dealing with infidelity in your relationship, whether you’re in a marriage or an exclusive dating situation. When you discover that someone has cheated on you, it’s one of the hugest hurts you’ll ever experience.
But here’s the truth, Love: if a man cheats on you, it has nothing to do with your value or worth.
As women, we love to analyze the remnants of our relationship and lay blame on ourselves. How many times have I heard a client say, “If only I had done this”, or “Why didn’t I do that?” or “I wish I had done things differently” or “Why do I always…blah, blah, blah”?! We often judge and punish ourselves far more than we deserve.
Of course, we all bear a certain level of responsibility – but that doesn’t make you any less beautiful, worthy, intelligent, successful, funny or loved… it just means that there are some lessons in this experience for both (or all three) people.
And hey, at the very least you can feel grateful that your situation isn’t plastered all over grocery store aisles like Jen’s is.
At the very best, if you are willing to lean in and grow, you can dramatically shift your self-worth.
Here are a few ways you can step into your value:
1) Stop settling for crumbs – know what you want and if your partner doesn’t want the same things AND isn’t willing to put 100% of himself into rebuilding the relationship with you, have the courage to say good-bye. You deserve more!
2) No more waiting around – if your man says he doesn’t know what he wants and continues to see the other woman and you are waiting for him to choose, you are giving your power away! Why are you letting him decide your fate? Gather your gumption and make a decision to empower yourself. Stop waiting. Not only will you gain self-respect, most likely you will gain his respect as well.
3) Set boundaries – let go of the fear that you will lose love if you stand in your truth. The reality is we teach people how to treat us – if we value ourselves others will value us too. If you allow your partner to act in ways that devalue and dishonor you, it will be impossible to build a deeply connected and loving relationship together. Stay strong in honoring you, no matter what, and you will feel your sense of value skyrocket!
Whether you’re a movie star like Jen Garner or the girl next door or a CEO, relationships can fall apart. The key is knowing that YOU are valuable and rebuild from a place of self-worth!
Are you looking for ways to improve your self image after discovering that a partner was cheating? I would love to speak with you one on one. Click HERE
I think what bothers me the most is the woman he wants is so trashy and has no substance. She does have BIG boobs (he bought her newest set for her), skinny legs, rolls of fat around her belly, and is only 49 (he is 73). I can see he is very shallow, afraid of getting old (his friends are dying)so I’m better off without him, but I am insulted. We married a year ago August and he started cheating with her 3 weeks later. It scares me that I didn’t see the shallowness and liar in him. He has been a cheater for 40 years, but I didn’t know it.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now! It’s NEVER easy when we discover that a partner has cheated… but there is always an opportunity to grow, if we’re open to it. Right now, I suggest taking really good care of yourself, whatever that means for you. Get together with girlfriends, get a pedicure, or treat yourself to a nice lunch. Remember that no matter what choices he makes – however shallow, short-sighted or seemingly cruel – you get to choose how you respond.
We’re all with you, sister. Sending love and light to you as you navigate these stormy waters.