Everyone knows summer is the time for LOVE….but what if you are still haunted by your Ex? Over the years, I have watched my clients, friends and even strangers suffer through these warm sunny months so hooked into their past dramas that LOVE seems to disappear.…so I have a question for you?
Who is responsible for your feeling loved and respected?
Don’t answer too quickly. Take a breath and go deep. Could you have delegated the care of your heart to someone who is no longer with you? Are you blaming yourself or him for the failings of your lost love?
If you answer yes, don’t despair. I know what it is like to mistakenly place responsibility for my happiness squarely on the shoulders of someone else and I also know how to reclaim my magnificence and today I know my value.
Why is it important to extricate yourself from the past while maintaining respect for your Ex? Simple. Respect is a gift only you can give and allows you to step into your future gracefully. But how can you respect someone who has let you down or broken your heart?
Now that the bond is broken and he has moved on, your ability to regroup and rebuild your self esteem will go much faster if you appreciate the good and the bad that your Ex brought into your life. Yes, even the BAD.
The dictionary defines respect as holding in high esteem and honor. If your Ex has behaved badly, you might think you are excused from respecting him. Not so fast, another meaning of respect is to refrain from intruding on or interfering.
If you are imposing yourself into his world by holding on to his offenses, of course you cannot hold him in high esteem and honor. Respect for an Ex is doable when you see it as a withdrawal of your attention. As you refrain from “pushing” your energy into his world, you are being respectful.
Sure it hurt when he “rejected” you by breaking up but I bet you anything that you got so involved with him and his life that you have taken all the focus off your wonderful self. It is time for YOU! Here is a short Self Respect quiz to check it out:
1. When is the last time you congratulated yourself for completing an important project or do you always see what you didn’t get done?
2. Do you notice when you are tired and stop to nurture yourself or are you driven to manic activity with no rest?
3. Are you an over achiever pushing yourself constantly and never feeling good enough?
4. Do you compare yourself to others and see yourself as less than they are?
5. Are you stuck blaming him for your low self-esteem?
In other words, do you respect, love and totally accept yourself?
If you don’t treat yourself well, no one else will either. You teach others how to respect you by how you respect yourself.
So ask yourself, “Am I willing to find the roots of my lack of self respect?” If the answer is yes, you will find clues in life patterns that started in childhood. I know, I know, there is nothing new about looking into your childhood, but here’s a new twist.
You learn about respect from the way your parents treated one another. If judging and blaming was the norm, chances are you suffered from emotional and verbal abuse, not because your parents meant to harm you but because they were blind to how their actions were impacting you.
If you only got positive attention when you accomplished something, you can bet you confused those accolades for LOVE. Women who battle performance addiction and are insatiable people pleasers are my favorite clients! Once you know how to unleash your god-given spark…what you were put here to express, there is no holding you back!
Even though as a child, you didn’t have the ability to sort out fact from fiction and believed everything your parents and authority figures told you, once you find your sparkle, your truth, you will finally see that their beliefs were based on THEIR experiences and had nothing to do with you at all.
The truth is, they meant no harm—they were just repeating the patterns they grew up with. The big difference is that you are reading articles like this. You WANT to change your patterns. You WANT to find LOVE and SELF RESPECT.
What you must get is that your current view of yourself is not who you are. The reality is you were born perfect. A shimmering diamond of light vibrates at the core of your being. This is your true identity. This unique essence, your truth, is so incredibly SPECIAL and VALUABLE that when you start to claim it, you feel the Real Love you were born to experience.
Here is a short exercise to help you take steps right now to find that Inner Sparkle that will set you free to find the Love you deserve:
Sit in a comfortable chair and take several deep breaths. Allow your body to relax and sink into the chair. Imagine a beam of pure, sparkling Divine white light coming down from the heavens and shining on you like a spotlight on a dark stage.
See the darkness around you and feel the warmth and comfort of this pure light. Now let the light enter in to the top of your head illuminating you from within. Imagine this light dropping to the core of your Being, see your heart light up just like a Tiffany diamond showcased under the brightest of lights.
Like a lotus flower of light, notice how the facets of this gem open into new waves of sparkling electricity with every breath. Repeat this simple phrase 7 times. “I am open to the magnificence that is me.” Each time you connect to this energy, you will feel a deeper connection. Once you turn your attention inward and seek your Divine Spark, your Ex will be the farthest thing from your mind and heart.