Ever feel like you’ve lost touch with who you are?
Does it seem like it’s up to you to do everything and there’s not a moment to yourself?
You’re probably insanely capable and competent – a rock star woman who can handle anything, but deep down don’t you long for a man to take over at times so you can not only breathe but feel supported?
When I was married – this was always the scenario I was caught up in – wanting my man to take care of something, anything – but if I had to wait more than what I considered an appropriate “step up time” it was too late. I would immediately go into, “I’ll just do it myself, it’s easier,” and stuff the resentful thought, “I can’t believe he won’t help me – why do I have to do it all?”
Well this proved pretty disastrous in my relationship and when things crumbled I had to get honest with myself and admit I’d been leading with my masculine energy way more than my feminine.
After a good chat with a dear friend who pointed out I would have gotten more support and had a better relationship if I had been leading with my womanly charms, I realized I had to make major changes that were uncomfortable for me. Breathing life into my feminine nature became my sole focus. I also knew on a soul level learning to be flirtatious and dressing more “feminine” were good first steps, but this was more than a surface make-over, I had to dig deep and create a new mindset if I was going to become the leading lady of my life.
Years of conditioning and choice making based in fear and doubt had left me in a vicious tug of war between “I can do this” and “This is too hard.” Even though I had seen evidence that my feminine nature had a power and magic all of its own, I still reverted to my old masculine style of rigid control most of the time.
Thankfully, an idea popped into my awareness. If I was having a difficult time figuring out how to own my feminine, maybe I could find someone to model my behavior after. Certain I knew someone who was living out the sensual feminine life style that I craved, I mentally searched my circle of my friends.
Two names jumped right out to me. I set up times to be out and about with them and I took notes. I watched their gestures, their stance, their faces and most importantly, I watched how men acted around them.
These women had an ease and comfort with themselves that I couldn’t relate to. They exuded sexiness. Their flirtiness was so natural and engaging that when they came into the room, all of the men looked their way and the single men flocked to them.
With their support and counsel, I stepped gingerly into the ring. I was scared, nervous and wanted to throw up, but I was determined. If these ladies could do it, so could I. Although I stumbled quite a bit along the way, eventually I found a sense of confidence and became comfortable allowing my feminine leading lady to awaken and form.
I even discovered there was a way for me to make my masculine side helpful – giving it the job of taking actions to help me expedite the re-birthing of my feminine side. I could create an inner harmony that truly transformed my relationship with myself.
So who could you use as a role model to help you step more into the leading lady of your life? If you don’t have a role model, you might pick someone in pop culture who you admire. Scarlett Johansson and Dolly Parton are not only comfortable in their skin but empowered women overall. You can learn alot watching them in performance and in live interviews. I’m not suggesting you are not enough on your own or that you have to be something other than yourself; no, it is just that without a well developed feminine side, you are really only half of yourself.
The exciting news is it’s possible! All you have to do is create a plan and take actionable steps to get you there. Now there is one caveat, this is not about comparing yourself—it will just make you feel less than. One trick I do to keep my role models from intimidating me, or stir up my shy little girl feminine self, is to picture them with sopping wet hair and no makeup.
Being inspired by others is God’s gift to you—His way of giving you an example to learn from so that you will know how to manifest the same in your life.
Use this step-by-step action plan to become the leading lady of your life:
1. Frame a picture of a celebrity, public figure, relative, or friend you admire and place it in clear view so that you are reminded of the traits you want to embody.
2. Write down what makes them so attractive to you – both their attitude, their behavior and their language.
3. Take time every day to look at the photo of your Feminine Leading Lady Role Model and say out loud, “I honor your traits of ______________ , and know I can own them too!”
4. Sit in a chair, close your eyes and breathe into this affirmation. Pull the persona into your core with each breath. What it would be like to possess these qualities for yourself.
5. Thank God that your subconscious mind is working night and day instilling the new demeanor you desire.
Tis the season…to sparkle from the inside out! Take these steps and step into YOUR life – it’s waiting for you!!!
Please leave a comment if this article was helpful or resonated with you – love to hear from you!
Very interesting and very confirming to me that I had listened to God’s whispers about finding my feminine side and clearly getting it that my “I can do that and I don’t need you attitude” were not working for me. In the beginning I thought my “winning formula” was the reason for my self-confidence and success, but it cost me my marriage and getting back on the horse that I was so easily thrown from was really tough. But I have been following internal guidance the last few years that was much like your blueprint of being more feminine, not always wearing “turtle necks”, wearing things that showed some curves and smiling back when someone was smiling at me. It’s been fun letting my sparkle back out and challenging to not slink back to my frumpy ways when the attention threatens me. Now in my 60s I feel sexier than ever before and it feels good. Thanks for putting into words what I have been doing and sharing it’. I feel the blueprint works!
That’s great Joan! Happy to hear you are connecting to your feminine essence and sharing your sparkle for all of us – beautiful!
Sherri…I really liked your article and it resounded with me. I dont know though…
I guess Im not good at, or don’t seem to have the skills to be a damsel in distress or really feminine?
I own/run a small farm and its very difficult, hard work…Is there hope for me do you think?
Kathy, 50ish 🙂
Hi Kathy – of course there is hope!!! The good news is you don’t have to be a damsel in distress to be feminine!!! Being in your feminine is allowing yourself to “BE” – this is different and unique to every woman which is what makes it so beautiful. I think women get tripped up when they think being feminine means “this” or “that” and then try to fit into whatever “this” or “that” is. The main thing is to take time for YOU to balance all that active “doing” energy:))
Great post! I was moved by it. Sharing steps like these is very, very helpful to people who want to grow and move forward and become the best versions of themselves. I am proud of your transformation as I am sure you are too and love the way you shared and bared your soul. Keep letting your heart lead you and keep being courageous.
Thank you Mavis – my goal is to lead women to happiness so they have the emotional freedom to lasoo all their desires!!
Sherri, I am old enough to be your great grandmother. I read and love the emails you faithfully
send to me. My main belief in life has been, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW TO LEARN.
Your cheerful emails are delightful!! This one is worth a written thank you.
Breathing life into my feminine nature, First born girl to a family of brothers, teenager during
the 1950’s, married a passive-aggressive husband, 56 years with him. I never learned how
to take care of myself. I’ve been stuck with taking care of people all my life. I even have
a BSN in nursing!!! DUH!
Bless your heart. You gave me permission to put myself first once in awhile. Carolyn Ballard
Carolyn thank you for stepping up an making a comment. I understand where you are coming from having lived myself for just over 30 years with a passive/aggressive husband. Take care of your-self each and every day, be it sinking into a hot bubble bath and closing the bathroom door and mind to any concerns and requests from others.
Sherri thank you for posting this. It is hard to believe sometimes that I am at heart, in the way I dress and carry myself a very feminine woman …. until I get home and the passive non manliness of my husband requires my masculine energy to come forward to manage house, family, finances … and his behaviour. I happy to read that you were married and stepped out of that relationship. I am putting my manly energy to getting all in place to walk away from a relationship which is not supportive, caring or a source of joy for me and in which my energy sinks far from my happy and attractive self outside of the home. I take away that if others can get through divorce from violent aggressive men than I can too and a request for God and the universe to guide me.
God is there to guide, love and support you Jeanette – if you aren’t already, connect with Him daily and listen to His whispers – they will definitely design your life in a far greater way than you could ever imagine:)) You deserve a life of love and happiness!