Have you ever looked at another woman and thought, “Things seem to be going so well for her; why isn’t MY life moving forward in the same way?”We’ve all felt a little envious at times when things aren’t going so great for us and others are seemingly soaring.
As women, we work for years to cultivate our careers – and many of us keep our radar up on those around us – noticing who has skyrocketed, who has stayed flat and who has disappeared. A sad truth is that many of us find ourselves comparing and basing our identify (aka “value”) on where we fit in and how our accomplishments stack up against others and their material success.
On a different path but along the same line, some women have spent their lives caring for loved ones and built a wonderful home life but just like the career gals, they are compelled to compare. Secretly doing some inner questioning around their parenting skills… are they doing as good a job as the other moms?Unfortunately this leaves them either feeling “proud and superior ” or ” insecure and inferior”.
To this point, I recently got into a conversation with a woman who told me she had invited a long time friend over with her kids for lunch and was thrown off her center because her own kids were having melt downs. She shared that her friend took over and with total ease and grace put together a fabulous lunch for them.
Because she was not firmly in her foundation she let the stealth committee of her mind hi-jack her confidence and began to feel very inadequate preventing her from seeing this gesture from her friend as a gift.
The challenge is we expect so much of ourselves..we expect ourselves to be perfect. That’s a lot, a lot, of pressure baby!
The truth is there will always be someone who is better at something than we are and conversely we will be better at something than someone else.
The key to your joy is recognizing this and accepting yourself for who you are instead of constantly comparing to get your value.
Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It is too true. The moment we begin to compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of any potential joy.
Instead of giving in to the temptation to compare yourself with another person, put these three ideas into action to compassionately give yourself the gift of joy…
1. Try something new. To truly feel good about yourself focus on keeping passion alive in your life, you want to be doing new things on a regular basis. It doesn’t always take a lot of money, but it will make you become a more interesting person and give you life again. Not only will you feel excited and vibrant, you’ll have interesting things to contribute to conversations.
2. Relinquish control. Ever notice yourself trying to control a situation, even if it’s a small thing? Experiment with “letting go.” Let your partner choose the restaurant or pick the movie, and trust that the other person can make the right choice. You’ll be surprised at how freeing this simple act is!
3. Give yourself a smile. When you catch yourself comparing your life to other people’s lives, just look in the mirror, take a deep breath, give yourself a smile and a wink and say, “Hi beautiful! You are amazing just the way you are, so there’s no need to compare!”
If you want a hands-on and individualized strategy to give yourself more joy, click HERE to set up a time to chat with me