Have you ever been in a situation where you really wanted to create a connection with a guy and felt frustrated because you didn’t know how, or what you were doing wasn’t working and you could feel distance flooding in? Connecting can seem really hard and mysterious but the good news is, like most things in life, when you are in the “know” it’s all so easy.
Follow these 4 tips and you will create the connections you crave.
#1 – Drop down into your heart – let people feel you and then they’ll connect with you. Coming from your head often causes others to tune out, creating just the opposite of what you want, separation. Think back to when you were in school – did you ever have a professor that just droned on and on and although you were sitting front and center your mind was miles away daydreaming or doodling to escape the boring, disconnected monologue?
Another thing to consider – if you are in a relationship and you want your guy to do something but you don’t finesse it from the heart he can feel like a servant. And that has the potential to quickly turn into an unpleasant power struggle. Yet, if you come from your heart, explaining why you want his help, and how that would make your life more joyful, you pull him in – letting him feel like he is part of the solution. Total win-win.
#2 Playfulness – playing leads to a more open and joyful state of being – the big benefits here are that it leads to more happiness – and who doesn’t want to be around someone who is happy? It also keeps you fully present – according to a Harvard study adults spend only about 50% of their time in the present moment. Research showed half the time adult minds are wandering – either to the past or the future, which keeps us separate and isolated. In order to connect we have to be present. In addition, when you are light and playful your message is much more likely to be heard and taken in.
#3 – Relatedness – you may say you want to connect but are you actively taking steps to do so? Are you waiting for him to approach, communicate, give to you or are you reaching out? One of my mentors used to say, “as you do one thing you do everything.” So consider this and notice where else you “hold back”? Do you avoid interacting with others – walking into stores or social settings with your shoulders slumped and eyes looking downward or averted? Do you spend time talking to your guy at the end of the day or do you watch TV, read a book or hop on the internet? We feel alone and lonely when we don’t connect – we are meant to be there for each other.
#4 – Eyes – when you look directly into someone’s eyes it creates an immediate connection. Think about it – when you talk to someone are you busy gathering up things or multi-tasking? This will make the other person feel unimportant, disconnected and they’ll soon tune out. Have you ever been talking with someone at a social gathering whose eyes were like satellite dishes, scanning the room? Pretty rude, right? Didn’t it make you feel about as important as a gnat? So bring on the bonding by consciously looking straight into his eyes, letting him feel you fully.
Voila! Now that you’ve got 4 great ways to connect go out there and make it happen!!