Many of you struggle, as I do from time to time, to make healthy choices so I decided to dedicate the article for this week’s article around the feelings that can get in your way when you’re trying too hard to put others first. Read, release and rejoice!!!
Do you find yourself constantly busy for everyone but yourself and then feeling consumed by guilt when you decide to set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others in order to take some time for you? Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself? Do you ever feel ashamed because there are times you don’t want to do anything for anybody else?
These questions may feel a bit uncomfortable (maybe even silly), but really think about this for a moment. How often do you do something for or with others because it just doesn’t feel right to focus on yourself? If you really delve deeper, I bet you’ll uncover these exact beliefs and feelings (or something very close) at the root of your actions or inaction.
These three culprits are notorious for hi-jacking us from taking care of ourselves:
These feelings can cause us to “dim” our inner light and keep us from being the sparkling diamonds we’re meant to be. Yet, our beautiful, brilliant, multi-faceted radiance cannot shine if we don’t take some time to polish and buff. Just like a diamond, we need self-care in order to really glitter and glow.
Let’s take a brief look at each one:
Guilt – if you are like most women, you might feel guilty for taking time to replenish your own reservoir of life-giving energy. If, however, you intend to continue giving your time and attention to loved ones, the only way you can do this is to be kind and loving to yourself first. As odd as it may seem, the most loving thing you can do for the people you care about is to first take care of you.
So right now, right here, write down at least 1-3 things you can do to nurture you – and then do one of them!
Selfishness – sometimes others take advantage of your desire to serve. They can call at all hours of the day and night and expect you to be available at a moment’s notice, especially when they’re experiencing a crisis. When you get courageous enough, you may set boundaries around your availability. As soon as you do, an alarming voice might resound in your head, screaming at you about how selfish you are being. That distorted belief of what it means to be selfish kicks in and challenges you to wonder how you could ever think you were so special to deserve to put yourself first. Along with beliefs of selfishness come thoughts of how horrible you are.
To overcome this ask yourself what your pay-off is for buying into the belief that you are selfish. Then set a healthy boundary and stand strong.
Shame – felt right after selfishness is the third self-deprecating feeling. You feel ashamed for thinking you were so special or significant as to put yourself above another. The dance of blame and shame begins as another way to hold you back and keep you from taking care of yourself adequately.
How cool that women are now focused more on helping each other through our multi faceted lives. There seems to be more of this in the work place too, and that is how it should be. Taking care of ourselves personally as well as professionally and lending support to each other in overcoming the unique challenges that women face is paramount for creating a healthy world for all.
You are absolutely right! I have just finished reading the book: “disease to please”, and all the points you are mentioning here are correct, when you care for yourself first, you will be happy to care for others.